Flying with my toddler is crazy

My husband I are probably certifiable. No, we aren't dreaming up conspiracy theories or plotting a twelve-point strategy for our 11-month-old's college admission (not yet, anyway). But we are considering the impossible: taking aforementioned baby on a 14-hour flight to New Zealand when he's a mere 1.5 years old. 

To quote Corinne Purtill in her fab essay, Flying with my toddler is easy (yes, that's meant to be tongue-in-cheek): I’m nervous about this flight. She’s a full-blown toddler now, 23 pounds of raw id and energy. She’s mobile, aware of her surroundings, expects multiple hours of unleashed outdoor time each day and is about as big as she can get without having her own seat (airlines require purchase of a separate seat for children at age 2). The only difference between toddlers and uncaged ferrets is that one is bigger and, astoundingly, allowed to roam untethered in the cabin of a passenger plane.

Flying with a tiny child is actually not that hard, as long as you do not relax for a second and maintain the alertness of a ninja for 12 hours straight. ... Hungry? Here’s a Cheerio. Thinking about punching that seat? Here, let’s play patty cake. Bored? You ever seen a seat belt go clickety-clack? Well, let me blow your mind.

A million questions zoom through our sleep-deprived (okay, let's be fair, since Baby sleeps through the night now: sleep-in deprived) minds as we contemplate this journey across the sea. Will he sit still for longer than 30 seconds without grabbing the flight attendant-the lady next to him-my hair-his foot-the drink cart-the flight attendant? Will he sleep on the plane at all? Will he desecrate the plane floor like he does routinely (but cutely) in restaurants? Will the other passengers hate us? Will he be so bored out of his mind he resorts to screaming for pure pleasure? Will the other passengers hate us? Whenever I bring up this topic with friends, those who don't have kids usually pull out the three B's: "Bring baby benadryl." Those with kids? In that trying-to-be-helpful tone: "Maybe the grandparents could come out and watch him....?"

I don't know whether or not we'll dare to make the trip. If we do, I plan to document every minute for a very long, very boring memoir that I will force you to read.