I'm Not F'in Sorry And You Shouldn't Be, Either

I thought my New Year's Resolution of not saying "sorry" for a year was going to be excruciatingly hard. Harder than if I were to abstain from TV for a year (I mean, I'm not a television junkie but come on. That would be torture) or go forgo my other favorite activity, showering. (Please don't make me go camping. Please). Amazetown-ly, it hasn't even been one-ninth as hard as I thought.

It's been a month so far, and yes, I've said "sorry" a smattering of times, but that's nothing compared to how much I used to sprinkle sorry's throughout my day. Here's where I slipped up. (There are so few of them, I can count them on one hand. Huzzah!) 

1) The post office. I told Leo he had to hold my hand "the way that little boy over there is holding his mommy's hand." Little Boy Over There looked up at me with an indignant scowl and said, "This isn't my mommy!" Penitent, I quickly spat back, "Oh! I'm sorry!" (Does apologizing to a five-year-old even count? I'm going to go with no.) 

2) The front door. Our nanny, who had come over to babysit Leo for the evening, had been standing outside for several minutes in the cold because I hadn't heard the doorbell ring. I barely even hesitated on this one. "Sorry!" (If you're a parent, and you have a babysitter or nanny you rely on, you'll do or say anything to make them happy. ANY-THING).

3) On the phone with Air New Zealand. Let's just cut to the chase: I couldn't understand a word the (extremely nice and patient) customer service rep was saying. I think I said, "I'm sorry?" about a hundred times. (Bridging the telephone-accent gap? I think "sorry" is appropriate here).

4) I dreamed that I actually did something really bad (it's foggy in my mind now, which is just code for "I can't tell you what the dream was about because then you will start analyzing what it means and I don't want you to do that.") I remember, in the dream, being very worried and concerned about how I was going to apologize for what I'd done without saying "sorry." Needless to say, I woke up and was pretty happy that I hadn't actually done anything I needed to apologize for. (Conclusion: infractions committed in dreams do not require me to break my resolution. Whew.)

That's it! I've started saying "excuse me" EXCLUSIVELY for bump-in situations. I NEVER say "sorry" to Ethan anymore (and it feels greeeat!). I was late to visit my friend the other night because my cab stood me up, but instead of texting, "I'm so sorry!", I just explained what was happening and employed a frowny-face. (Emoticons: the new "sorry" stand-in? Perhaps).

I haven't put my finger on exactly why I've been more successful with this experiment than I initially expected, but I think motherhood has a lot to do with it. As moms, we're so busy and so focused on changing a diaper while writing an essay or running a board meeting — we just don't have bandwidth to be sorry anymore. And that's a gooood thing. (Here's a great essay on the topic that I totally related to. I am no longer sorry, Jezebel! No longer!)

xox,

Rebecca

PHOTO CAPTION: Not my Vespa. I would never ride a Vespa because I'm majorly afraid of head injury. I love that color, though. I could live in that color.