The Mommy Wars, Continued

Guess what. Apparently, we're in a civil war. We (and by "we," I mean moms) are still freaking fighting about whether or not it's better to stay home with our kids or better to go to work. Seriously? We're still fighting about this? In 2013? After we've pretty much PROVEN SCIENTIFICALLY that moms who want to work should work, moms who want to stay home should stay home, moms who want to work part-time should work part-time and dads should consider these options just as actively as moms? We're still battling this one out, even though other moms are exactly the people we should be ganging up WITH to fight EVERYBODY ELSE for guaranteed maternity leaves and better, more affordable childcare for moms across the country? Even though other moms can and should understand how hard it is to attempt to "have it all" and are therefore the single best resource we can all tap into to continue to break through that glass ceiling and help moms enjoy the freshman years of parenting rather than spending them writhing around in a hole of guilt, self-doubt, and "what ifs"? 

One popular mom blogger wrote about the issue here, and in case you don't have time to flip to her page and read her entire essay, I'll give you the most relevant part:

"If every woman made the same decision, how would my children learn that sometimes motherhood looks like going to work to put food on the table or stay sane or share your gifts or because you want to work and you’ve earned that right. And that other times motherhood looks like staying home for all of the exact same reasons."

The blogger basically concludes that moms lash out at each other's choices because they're-we're inherently a little bit conflicted (or perhaps even resentful) about their-our own. Nobody except maybe Halle Berry* or (insert other random celebrity here) can be a stay-at-home-mom who also has the ideal career, supports her whole family, is fulfilled by her work and fulfilled by parenting and who never misses a school bake sale. It's not realistic — and so we get defensive. We judge. We worry about what we're missing or not giving our kids or not giving ourselves. Guess what: that woman "on the other side," who has the high-powered job or gets to chaperone every school field trip? She feels the exact same way you do.

*I have no idea how Halle Berry manages her work-life balance. She hasn't gone into too much detail with me when we've had lunch.

xox,

Rebecca