How to throw a first birthday party in the park in seven painless steps:
1) Rent a table.
2) Set it up in the park.
3) Buy a ton of water and beer (more than you need, which you'll end up regretting, but at least you'll have beer later when people come over and want beer).
4) Get some cupcakes and a cake for the kiddo to smash (DISCLAIMER: do not attempt to make on your own unless you feel like punching a cat).
5) Visit Michaels. Construct a birthday hat out of thin foam board and yarn for a pom-pom while watching The New Normal on your laptop. Declare the pom-pom uneven (because you were watching TV while making it, obvi) but good enough.
6) Invite your friends for free via Paperless Post.
7) Drink a beer—you're done!
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