What's your morning routine?

My morning routine goes something like this: 1) wake up to the sounds of Leo asking politely (read: yelling) for me to come get him 2) roll over, mutter "I'll go get him" to my husband, and secretly hope Little Bear just suddenly decides to get some extra shut-eye (that's happened, like, never) 3) throw on contacts and brush teeth, then head into Baby's room, where my crappy mood almost always vanishes as soon as I see his near-toothless grin.**

On weekdays, this is what follows: 4) get Leo changed and dressed 5) throw on clothes (no shower, sadly) 6) plop him in chair with bottle and Cheerios 7) gather my stuff 8) attempt to get out the door to take him to his nanny share by 8am (he goes from 8-1).

Saturdays and Sundays are another story. Wee One has a knack for waking up even earlier on the weekends, and he's so rowdy that usually my instinct is to take him out (if Ethan's*** going to stay in bed, he might as well actually get some sleep and make it count)—but where? The only places that seem to be open at 7am are coffee shops. And, as I've quickly realized, coffee shops are for adult people who drink coffee. Not babies, who can only be entertained with a coffee collar or straw for so long until their little brains explode. Playgrounds are decidedly empty this early in the morning, and thus creepy, which I don't get, because WHY DOESN'T EVERYONE ELSE NEED TO GO OUTSIDE WITH THEIR BABIES? Are their babies sitting quietly at home, politely eating pancakes while mine tries to stage Word War Seven with his toys? (I acknowledge that I probably have an urban problem on my hands. Had we a huge backyard with some kind of jungly-gym, perhaps I could set him loose there. Note to self: get jungly-gym, even if it does take up entire backyard).

Seriously, though—I don't understand why there isn't a magical place in this city where all the parents of babies convene at 7am where they can drink coffee, set their kids loose on a bunch of toys, get their bearings and maybe even chill for five seconds in the presence of other tired parentals.

One final question for you: Why did the gods of Whole Foods decide that it shouldn't open until 8am? That can only be described as like, a crime against parents.

What is your morning routine?

**Sometimes Ethan mercifully takes over this step.
***Sometimes, mercifully, I get to enjoy this step.

PHOTO CAPTION: I am so sensitive to caffeine that I can't even drink the real stuff—this is decaf. Somehow that makes me feel like a fraud. Real moms drink coffee.