I want-slash-need to be clear about something. If you are a non-parent, and you read this blog (or even if you're a parent and you read this blog): YES. Having a child is life-changing. It's remarkable. It's crazy-bat-shit amazing. You suddenly see all the little (cute, not icky) bugs on the leaves. And you appreciate colors again (and not just because you're high). The thrill you get from your child's first smile is like falling in love, and the adoration you have for their tiny feet would be considered a foot fetish if it weren't unapologetically accepted by society. But let me add a slight dose of reality to your unbridled joy. Raising kids is DAMN hard, and I only know about one-eighteenth of it. So when I read a quote like this on People.com, which yes I read don't judge me:
“I know now what happiness feels like. Everything just looks brighter, the world just looks sunnier. I think it’s the hormones or something because I feel fantastic. I feel truly like I have purpose, and that purpose is not about me.”*
It makes me want to conjure up my most evil-ist villain laugh and mutter: "Get back to me in a year and a half." Because, people, that child who is the sweetest darn thing you've ever laid eyes on WILL try to scratch your eyes out at some point. And I just want everyone to know. Because it drives me crazy when people paint this picture of parenthood that is so rosy that it makes all the other moms and dads out there who are struggling to not raise zombie babies feel bad. (Not to mention all the potential parents-to-be, who read the above Moon Bloodgood quote** and imagine strolling with their unborn children in unicorn-land licking magic euphoria popsicles).
I love you, Baby, and you're definitely the cutest thing I've ever seen and the sweetest and I want to eat your toes. But yesterday you bit me. I'm just sayin'.
*It's the hormones.
**Who the hell is MOON BLOODGOOD, a friggin Harry Potter character? And why-God-why did she name her daughter PEPPER? I'm gonna name my next baby SALT. It's perfect 'cause it works for a boy or a girl. Salt Kurzweil. Deal with it.
xo,
Rebecca
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