First off, this goes without saying, but life doesn't always work out the way we all want it to. We're lucky to have healthy, happy kids (if we want them) and lucky to have the choice to not have them if we don't. But taking all of those "real life" factors like fertility and timing out of the equation (not to mention overpopulation and expense of raising kids in 2012), and speaking completely hypothetically – do you envision yourself a calm family of three? A raucous, lively family of five? I've *heard* that four is the new three. And it does seem like three is the new two. BUT DON'T PEOPLE REALIZE THAT THREE KIDS WILL TAKE UP THE ENTIRE BACK SEAT? And, as a lovely friend and supermom of three recently pointed out to me... A FAMILY OF FIVE CAN'T RIDE TOGETHER IN A NYC TAXI (unless it's of the van variety). I don't even know what you'd do on an airplane and I kind of never want to find out. Another wise friend informed me that if you think subsequent kids are going to entertain the first ones (or vice versa), you might want to consider that that's a big lie.
After yesterday's post about the eternal struggle to juggle, a few readers commented that managing one child is a piece of cake compared to two or more. Apparently, the "free time" I have now is way more than I'll ever get if/when I have a second munchkin. I guess I'd better go appreciate it.
xo,
Rebecca
PHOTO CAPTION: Leo inspecting the underside of the wagon at the zoo.
I always wanted at least two, but now that we've got twins, I kind of want three. I loved growing up as part of a big, loud, crazy family. But then I think about the costs of raising three kids (day care! college! braces!), which are real and staggering. Still working on my husband about what I call "hypothetical baby #3"!
ReplyDeleteI almost mentioned something about twins! -- there are a lot more multiples out there than there used to be, and I think some parents probably feel driven to go for a third or even fourth child because they want to have the baby experience again, or other siblings for their multiples... or they just want a big family like you said!! (And maybe they would have had 3+ anyway, just more spread out). I envy you because I feel like you might be more likely to go for #3 than we would (just in the sense that we're terrified of having 2 kids, but you're already doing it - ha ha!) Re; the cost-- that's a whole other ball of wax. I just hope college is all online in 18 years. Thanks for commenting!
ReplyDeleteThree was perfectly fine with me until my parents had both died and I instantly went psycho with a need to actually carry and give birth to one who would have their genes. Heather has always wanted five. I'm more into this one having the siblings but also kind of being an only child, since the nearest one will be almost 8 years older. The only thing she has going for her in convincing me to have one more would be the possibility of a girl, but we'd probably just end up with a five boys. Or an Octomom situation, since I have to go to a fertility clinic to get pregnant!
ReplyDeleteTotally makes sense! Do you feel more "ready" for this one because your other children are older and thus a little more independent? Or does the idea of throwing a baby in the mix have you reaching for the vodka?! (Kidding) Thanks for writing. I love big families -- so excited for you.
ReplyDeleteI feel a little bit of both, but maybe not for the reasons you would think... I think most parents fall into a pitfall of believing that "it will get easier" when their kid moves forward from one phase or age to another. This is NOT true. Sure, there are things that get easier (like sleep - although the 7 and 10 year old still have no problem constantly intruding on us in this department), but parenting in general gets harder and harder, actually, and there are days you would pay to zap them back into swaddled infancy. Our eldest, 16, requires by far the most attention and active "parenting" right now! That said, I do have nightmares about adding a baby - envisioning supervising their homework while breastfeeding or getting up to make their lunches on 45 minutes of sleep is less than pleasant.
ReplyDeleteI always wanted an only child, but two things have given me a deep appreciation for the big family. One is that our eldest and our middle child are literally THE BEST big brothers in.the.world. Seriously, I was a heinous beast to my younger brother and my older sister was a wretched witch to both of us. These dudes are patient and loving, protective and committed to their younger sibling(s), and it is absolutely my favorite thing about being their mom. I know that they will have amazing lifelong relationships, that their own kids will grow up in this big family of hilariousness and love. That is sort of tied in with the second thing, which was the early deaths of my own parents (my mom at 54 when I was 27 and my dad at 68 when I was 33). God forbid anything like that happen to us, our kids will always have someone to help shoulder the burden and to have for comfort.
Actually, I've heard many parents say the same thing (and, of course, I read Anne Marie Slaughter's article where she warned parents not to make the mistake of thinking that their kids only need them when they're little. That had a big impact on me, as I hadn't really considered that my son as a teenager might "need me" more than he even does now. The operative word being ME -- right now, a childcare worker can/could give him a lot of what he needs. But it's harder when they're older; they need their parents). I think new parents like me just cling to the idea that one day will get to "relax" again -- but that's probably a fantasy.
ReplyDeleteRe: your parents, of course -- that must have such a huge influence on how you view your family, and I'm so sorry you've had to go through so much loss at such a young age. But perhaps this big, lovingly chaotic family will be a comfort to you, as well, and I think it's a wonderful gift for your kids to have so many siblings. I would love for Leo to have a big, chaotic family -- I just don't know what's possible on a practical level. But we'll see!
My husband told my mother FOURTEEN
ReplyDeleteHa.
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